Our ship zipped through the sky, narrowly dodging the hail of projectiles directed at us by our foes. Down through the clouds and towards the surface we raced, over a landscape of jungles and rivers. We had reached an adequate proximity: a bright flash, and we shot from the ship in an orb of energy, making a beeline for a small city on the horizon.
We crowded together against the window of a single-room house, peering through the blinds at the people in the sunlit streets, waiting for the meetup which we had been directed to spy on. Squat men in trenchcoats and fedoras walked back and forth along the street, their faces hunched down and hidden behind their lapels. A siren suddenly sounded: our presence had somehow been exposed. The trenchcoated men dissolved into light and bolted up into the blue sky, towards the ships too high to be seen.
We rushed out into the fenced-in garden behind the house, knowing what was to come next. Small squat humanoid figures drifted slowly over the fence and settled onto the ground, where they continued to move about with a slow, floaty bounding manner, as if they were sentient balloons. Indeed, they had a metallic purple sheen to their bodies, like those foil balloons which no one likes as much as normal balloons.
I discovered that my comrades had suddenly abandoned me, but no matter: the balloon boys were easy enough to dispatch, and the slow-moving projectiles from their bubble guns were easily dodged. Several discharges from my laser pistol, and all but one of my foes had been destroyed... but my energy cell had also been exhausted.
I picked up one of the dropped bubble guns and engaged the remaining balloon boy in battle, and it was here that I made an alarming discovery: the HP regen rate on the balloon boy was faster than the firing rate of the bubble gun! What had the programmers been thinking!? I was now trapped in an unwinnable battle against a shamefully easy opponent.
I ducked and rolled around the garden, avoiding the bubbles directed towards me by the balloon boy. I repeatedly shot him with my own bubble gun, to no avail. Enough! I threw aside my weapon and grabbed the balloon boy with both hands. A metal rod projected out of the ground nearby, providing a vinehold for a tomato plant. I thrust the balloon boy down onto this, and he tore open with a shriek, his metallic purple skin flapping empty and hollow.
A voice boomed from above: "WHAT THE HELL. YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE ABLE TO DO THAT. SHUT DOWN THE SIMULATION!"
---
Notes:
I have no idea. The only image I can possibly source is the balloon boy, who looked like a purple metallic version of Archer Prewitt's "Sof Boy." There was clearly some sort of Star Trek: TNG holodeck thing going on as well, although at least it wasn't one of those retarded episodes where the holodeck becomes real.
